Two Years Wasted?

So it has been a long time since I posted anything. I really want to start posting at least once a week. We will see how that goes.

So my last post was about me not really knowing what is going on in my life. That is pretty much the same. I still have a the same end goal of eventually opening a homeless shelter in Hilo. But I'm still not sure how that is going to come about. But I do have some news. I got a job in Kansas City for the next year. I start on June 13th. I leave Hilo in a few weeks and I am really excited. After working there for a year I want to start working on a master's. Where I am going to study and what are still up in the air but that is the general idea right now.

I moved here right after I graduated from college. That is exactly two years from tomorrow if memory serves. Watching all my friends graduate from Point Loma and going to a graduation get together here in Hilo I am wondering what I have been doing with the last two years. When you graduate they tell you you can do anything, your life is just beginning and other things like that. I agree with those things but I feel like they should also tell you things don't always go as planned. Not in a life is gonna suck cynical way but at least in an honest life isn't so easy way.

I came out here for ministry and I did that for a year and it all fell apart. I was hoping and wanting so much more. And now I find myself trying to figure out what is next in my life. Where will I live what kind of job I'll do and if school is gonna happen again.

Being a christian is hard. Trying to live a life worthy of the call of Christ is no easy task. I truly believe we are all called to something great. A life God has made for us. A way that we can truly impact the world for peace. I feel like I was brought to Hilo, Hawaii to find mine. We have a huge homeless population and the shelters and ministries aren't cutting it. they are doing what they can but it is not enough. These last two years have been far from picture perfect for me but I do feel that God has brought me here to show me the future. Now the question is how do I get to that future. I still don't know the answers but I am still looking. As I begin the next chapter I must continue to pray for the future and that I am faithful to the plan God has for me.

I want to say congratulations to all the graduates. Either from High school as you move onto college, or the college grads as you move onto life outside of school. It isn't easy but God has a plan. You will be challenged but you will grow. I am proud of all the guys who were freshmen on my hall when I was an RA. My little babies have all grown up!

The Meaning of Life

I haven't posted anything for awhile. When I started this blog my goal was to use it to keep people updated on my life and ministry. Since my last post a million things have happened in my life and I've done a poor job of keeping people up to date. I find myself currently sitting in a Starbucks using their free internet because I don't have internet at my house. I got a text from a friend that asked me how it's going. I immediately replied that I was trying to figure out life. This is something that my good friend Daniel and I did on an almost daily basis our final semester in college. I am almost two years out from that and I realize that I am no closer to an answer.

After college I moved to Hawaii to take an internship at a church and after the summer I stayed on as the youth and young adult pastor. I was so excited and determined to make my ministry a success. I think it went alright. It was hard to start two ministries from scratch but it happened and things were going. By December though I had a feeling that it wasn't going to last long. It wasn't going as well as I hoped. Part of that is me deciding that I had it and God could take a break. Byron Certain was on the case and things where going to work out. This is nothing new in my life. As soon as God shows me a path I tend to take over and start doing the work and not trusting. This naturally leads me to disaster. I also noticed that the pastor and I had different ideas about how the church should function and we didn't work well together. I am grateful that we are still friends and see each other on a regular basis but working together wasn't working, at least not from my perspective. So I started praying that December and I felt that God was telling me to resign. This decision took about six months and I officially resigned in June of last year.

I didn't have another youth position and wasn't really sure what I was going to do with myself after I quit. That was the beginning of me trying to once again figure out life. This monumental task is not easy or even really possible but that is where I am. I am still living in Hilo not doing ministry in an official capacity and I'm wondering what is next. I really wish God would just toss down a play by play of my future so I would know where I'm supposed to go. Obviously trust wouldn't be a big deal anymore so I'm thinking that isn't gonna happen, but it would be nice.

I feel that it may be time for me to leave the island of Hawaii and possibly the state entirely. I feel that God has put it on my heart to open a homeless shelter in the future and I feel like it is supposed to be in Hilo, but I have no idea what happens between now and then. I need to find a way to renew my faith and trust God again.

When I decided to stay in Hilo a man named Hideo Funada let me move in with him. I haven't had to pay rent or utilities. Uncle Henry, is what everyone calls him, is one of the main reasons I have been here so long. We celebrated his 87th birthday on Wednesday. On Thursday I came home and found him on the ground. He took a spill. On Friday morning he was taken to the hospital and has been there since. I don't know when he will be able to come home or if he will at all. I look at the grace with which Uncle Henry has shown me. He is an old man who has a lot of love to give and he has chosen me to be a recipient of this love. I am 24 years old and this older man has shown me a lot about grace and love in the year and a half I have lived with him. I pray that for the rest of my life I can live like Uncle Henry. I don't know where I am going from here, though I'm sure a move is in the near future. I do know God hasn't wasted these months that I have been in Hilo not working at a church. Maybe Uncle Henry has the meaning to life, live gracefully.

Refocus

I find myself looking back at my time here in Hilo and I am dumb founded. I can’t believe it has been six months already. I can’t believe that Halloween and Thanksgiving have come and gone so soon. We are now in the Advent season and our churches are lighting candles so we remember. They are there so we can see the real reason we have the holiday of Christmas. This is where I find myself and on Sunday I needed to be reminded of what God has called me to do.

Sunday was a rough morning for me. I woke up early went to church, sang songs, heard a sermon, prayed, fellowshipped, taught Sunday school and began to prepare for our 2pm service at the Life Care Center.

Our church for many years has done a service at the Life Care Center for those who are living in the center. It is a retirement home. My pastor and I switch off every week who speaks there. We sing about ten hymns and we preach a mini sermon. When I preach on Sunday morning I just adapt that sermon to time constraints but when I don’t preach I write a new sermon. Usually a text that our young adult bible study has used recently. I wasn’t in the best mood when preparing this sermon. I was stressed and not excited to go to the Life Care service.

The only way I can explain what was wrong was that I had lost sight of what the point is. The reason I am in Hilo the reason I even attend church. I lost sight of God and God’s calling in my life.

So there I was trying to write a sermon to preach later and I was just not into it. I was missing the point of advent. I started reading Luke 5.17-26. It is the passage about the paralytic. We had gone over it a few weeks earlier and it was really on my mind lately.

In the passage Jesus was gathering quite a crowd around himself and he ended up in someone’s house and he was teaching those who where there. A couple guys decide to bring their paralyzed friend so Jesus can heal him. They couldn’t get through the crowd so they decided to go to the roof. They start digging through the roof and lower their friend down in front of Jesus. This is already strange, they dug through the roof of somebody’s house just to get him in front of Jesus. So Jesus sees what these guys are doing and because of their faith he tells the paralytic that he is forgiven, but he doesn’t heal him.

There were Pharisees in the crowd and it tells us that they start grumbling. They ask a great question though. Who can forgive sins but God alone? It is a great question! But the way Jesus responds is great. He asks what is easier saying your sins are forgiven or stand up and walk. So for the sake of the Pharisees he tells the man to get up and walk out so they will know he has authority. So the guy does. He walks out glorifying God.

The rest of the crowd is stunned. They can’t believe what they just saw. They also started glorifying God. The passage says they were filled with awe, saying “we have seen strange things today.” So God was glorified by this very strange event.

Now I think about Christmas. We find ourselves in a time of preparation for the coming of Christ in the form of a child. This very strange event that really has me filled with awe. I don’t really understand it and it is hard to grasp but all I know is that I have to walk away glorifying God. It is the only appropriate response I have.

In this time of consumerism and sorrow, pain of loss, and loneliness the Church finds itself surrounded by people who need Christ. We have the opportunity to glorify God and share with people the real reason for this holiday. No matter how far gone this holiday is we as the Church have the chance to show people why we see this strange event and walk away worshiping and glorifying God. God grace has come to the earth and it is still with us. In this time of celebration let us focus on the reason for the holiday.

Merry Christmas everyone. Go out praising God for mercy, grace, peace, and love. Let your example be seen.

The Golden Rule Revisited

Last night at our young adult bible study we were talking about how we as Christians are called to spread the Gospel. We have a really good group of young Christians who have a heart for the University of Hawaii in Hilo that is just down the street from where we meet for our group.

I asked the group how we as residents of Hilo can share the gospel with people, especially those at the school. Our passage for last night was from 1 Corinthians 2. Paul is talking about how he preached the gospel in Corinth to the Christian converts. He tells us he did not use eloquent words or wisdom but that he just preached Christ crucified an idea that both the Jews and the Gentiles thought ridiculous.

For the Jews the Messiah was to come with many signs and wonders and he was to free the people from the oppression of Rome. Christ’s death on the cross, the death of a criminal and political enemy of Rome was not what they had in mind. The Gentiles idea of a god is one of power. Gods just don’t come down to earth to do humans any favors, that is beneath them. A god suffering and dying on a cross, killed by humans just doesn’t make sense. So Paul preached this idea that both groups thought ridiculous even laughable.

So Paul proclaimed the gospel in a way that he could not take credit for, he spoke simply and let the power of God do the rest.

So this is where our small group was when I asked how we as Christians proclaim the gospel. A lot of the answers had to do with getting to know people for who they are and truly caring for them because if someone doesn’t think you care for them they will not care what you have to say. This statement makes a lot of sense to me. In my own life there have been people who have really cared for me so when they spoke I listened.

Later the idea of the golden rule came up. We should love others because we want that love in return. This sparked a thought for me. We live in a very selfish culture that focuses on the individual. It is what I want not what anyone else wants. Then I realized that the golden rule seems pretty selfish to me. I treat people in a certain way so that they treat me in the way. So I love and respect people only for the reward of them loving and respecting me? That puts me in focus, not the other and especially not Christ! So I put forth an alternative option, it shouldn’t be “treat others the way you want to be treated,” it should be “treat others the way Christ would treat them.”

Spreading the gospel is not about me. I think Paul makes this point well 1 Corinthians 1:13, “Has Christ been divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Or were you baptized in the name of Paul?” It is not about the person proclaiming the message, it is about the message being proclaimed. Christ must be our focus. Christ is the one who suffered and died for us. In this culture we are so wrapped up in ourselves that we miss the amazingness in being the preacher that is not remembered.

I am called to ministry. I don’t know what that ministry will be for the rest of my life. I don’t know where I will be living. I don’t have all the answers, but what I do have is love that has been entrusted to me by my maker and savior and I have been given instructions to go spread that love wherever I am. I pray that whoever is reading this will know that our calling is not to go and make a great name for ourselves and sell millions of books about learning how to help others be the best they can be, but it is to treat others the way Christ would treat them and that is with love.

And the Blessings Keep Coming

The church I have been interning at in Hilo has offered me a position. I have accepted their offer. Today is my first official day of being the youth and young adult pastor at Hilo Church of the Nazarene.

I can't help but look back on my life and see how God has continually provided for me and made this moment in my life possible. Instead of going through my entire life I will just start with last summer. As many of you will know I interned at a church in Kaneohe on Oahu. This experience was amazing! I got to know a whole bunch of kids and work with some great pastors. Last summer left me longing to come back to Hawaii. This past school year I spent many hours praying that God's will be done in my life but if I could have a say I would like to be in Hawaii. I also spent many hours talking to Hawaii pastors trying to see if any church would consider having me.

I found out that the internship program didn't have very many people signed up and it might be possible for me to get my foot in the door that way. So I prayed and things worked out. I ended up at a church I didn't know anyone from. When I showed up the pastor had just left for almost a month. This was a very challenging time for me. I wasn't doing much youth ministry but amazing ministry was taking place. (For more information you can check my earlier blogs.)

It was a rough start but I feel incredibly blessed to be at this church. When the church offered me the position I told my parents and asked some others to start praying for me and God's will. I prayed for a couple of weeks and every time I brought it up with God I felt an amazing peace about the whole thing. So I was pretty sure I was going to stay. The next issue was a new place to live, a car, and a second job. Not small issues. So I began to pray about that. I hadn't accepted the position yet though. I continued to pray and I felt like God wanted me to report to the pastor that I was staying and the rest would fall into place. So that is what I did. I told him on Saturday and by Monday I had a good lead on a job, my housing and car issues seemed pretty much taken care of.

I am a few weeks out from that and I started my second job today. I move this week and I plan on getting my new driver's license tomorrow. I am stepping out into new territory for me. I am no longer the youth intern, I am the youth pastor. This is crazy for me! I must rely on God everyday. When I look back all I see is God's provision so I have no reason to believe that God will not provide for my future. But as my friends and family I ask you to keep me and my ministry and my church in your prayers. God is doing amazing things in Hilo and I am blessed to be a part of that.

Camp Not Just For Students

I typically begin my prayers by thanking Gor all the blessings I see in my life. I like to start thanking God for all the mercy, grace, peace, and love I have experienced in my life. I then move to my family and the fact that I grew up in a Christian home. I then thank God for my three churches. I thank God for the people and ministry of the Church of the Nazarene in Prescott, Midcity Church in San Diego, and then I move to my church in Hilo. I thank God for the people who have inspired me and encouraged me in my walk towards Christ and ministry.

Since I have been in Hilo I have found doing youth ministry to be very difficult and I was honestly starting to be depressed. It made me question why I am here and it made me question my call. These questions have really shaken me up.

Then camp came around. I just got back last night from camp on Oahu. I was privilaged to be able to take fours students with me. We had an amazing time of worship. We had a break in to one of our cabins and many of the girls lost money, ipods, and cell phones. That happened on the first night during the service. Not the best way to kick off camp. SO the first night was crazy but God brought focus back to the camp and we were able to worship and see transformation.

From my group of four, two girls walked up and gave thier lives to Christ. I saw a transformation from being quiet and not paying attention during worship to excitement and furious note taking during the sermons. We got together the last night as a youth group and just talked about what God was doing in the lives of the students that week. One of my girls who never answers besides with a joke oned up about her home life and everything that has been going on. I could just see that she had a load fall from her and she is now light.

This was so encouraging for me. I felt that God was using these students to show me that God was working in them and that I need to be patient and that I am exactly where God wants me to be.I am truly blessed to have experienced this time in the lives of these girls. pray Godwill continue to help them grow nd learn and tha they will be open to that movement within their lives. It is amazing what God can do with those around you. I now have something to add to my blessings when I pray.

Working with Youth

So I am over a month here in Hilo and I still have had very little time with youth. Not my favoritie thing to report. However I feel that things are starting to work. Last night I went to a bar called Shooters to watch one of the youth play in his band.

It reminded me that I did not miss high school. Seeing all the girls walk around in their slutiest clothes with the slutiest walk they could muster was interesting/scary. I was also the only one that I could see that was there for the show that was older. I was sporting my over 21 wrist band while all the others ran around being high school students. It was intersting. Again I do not miss high school. But it did give me the opportunity to hang out with Kenson, who by the way can shred on his guitar. It was awesome. They also played a lot of punk/screamo songs from when I was in early high school so that made me laugh. I knew all the words and I could tell that all the kids around really didn't know the songs. It was a unique opportunity for me to hang out with the youth at my church. It was good.

I am in Hilo trying to start a youth program because they haven't had anything really organized in a very long time and the kids don't really make an effort to go to things I plan. The nice sandy beaches everyone thinks about in Hawaii are not in Hilo, we have to go to the other side of the island to get that, so I planned a beach day for Saturday. I invited the new youth pastor at the other Nazarene church in the area. He brought only one student and I had two. We were both hoping for more, but we had a great time.

I have realized these things start slow, so I must be patient. As hard as that is for me I am looking forward to it. I know that God can do amazing things and if I can be used for that purpose then I am more than happy to wait. Keep me in your prayers along with Hilo church of the Nazarene.