The Meaning of Life

I haven't posted anything for awhile. When I started this blog my goal was to use it to keep people updated on my life and ministry. Since my last post a million things have happened in my life and I've done a poor job of keeping people up to date. I find myself currently sitting in a Starbucks using their free internet because I don't have internet at my house. I got a text from a friend that asked me how it's going. I immediately replied that I was trying to figure out life. This is something that my good friend Daniel and I did on an almost daily basis our final semester in college. I am almost two years out from that and I realize that I am no closer to an answer.

After college I moved to Hawaii to take an internship at a church and after the summer I stayed on as the youth and young adult pastor. I was so excited and determined to make my ministry a success. I think it went alright. It was hard to start two ministries from scratch but it happened and things were going. By December though I had a feeling that it wasn't going to last long. It wasn't going as well as I hoped. Part of that is me deciding that I had it and God could take a break. Byron Certain was on the case and things where going to work out. This is nothing new in my life. As soon as God shows me a path I tend to take over and start doing the work and not trusting. This naturally leads me to disaster. I also noticed that the pastor and I had different ideas about how the church should function and we didn't work well together. I am grateful that we are still friends and see each other on a regular basis but working together wasn't working, at least not from my perspective. So I started praying that December and I felt that God was telling me to resign. This decision took about six months and I officially resigned in June of last year.

I didn't have another youth position and wasn't really sure what I was going to do with myself after I quit. That was the beginning of me trying to once again figure out life. This monumental task is not easy or even really possible but that is where I am. I am still living in Hilo not doing ministry in an official capacity and I'm wondering what is next. I really wish God would just toss down a play by play of my future so I would know where I'm supposed to go. Obviously trust wouldn't be a big deal anymore so I'm thinking that isn't gonna happen, but it would be nice.

I feel that it may be time for me to leave the island of Hawaii and possibly the state entirely. I feel that God has put it on my heart to open a homeless shelter in the future and I feel like it is supposed to be in Hilo, but I have no idea what happens between now and then. I need to find a way to renew my faith and trust God again.

When I decided to stay in Hilo a man named Hideo Funada let me move in with him. I haven't had to pay rent or utilities. Uncle Henry, is what everyone calls him, is one of the main reasons I have been here so long. We celebrated his 87th birthday on Wednesday. On Thursday I came home and found him on the ground. He took a spill. On Friday morning he was taken to the hospital and has been there since. I don't know when he will be able to come home or if he will at all. I look at the grace with which Uncle Henry has shown me. He is an old man who has a lot of love to give and he has chosen me to be a recipient of this love. I am 24 years old and this older man has shown me a lot about grace and love in the year and a half I have lived with him. I pray that for the rest of my life I can live like Uncle Henry. I don't know where I am going from here, though I'm sure a move is in the near future. I do know God hasn't wasted these months that I have been in Hilo not working at a church. Maybe Uncle Henry has the meaning to life, live gracefully.