Two Years Wasted?

So it has been a long time since I posted anything. I really want to start posting at least once a week. We will see how that goes.

So my last post was about me not really knowing what is going on in my life. That is pretty much the same. I still have a the same end goal of eventually opening a homeless shelter in Hilo. But I'm still not sure how that is going to come about. But I do have some news. I got a job in Kansas City for the next year. I start on June 13th. I leave Hilo in a few weeks and I am really excited. After working there for a year I want to start working on a master's. Where I am going to study and what are still up in the air but that is the general idea right now.

I moved here right after I graduated from college. That is exactly two years from tomorrow if memory serves. Watching all my friends graduate from Point Loma and going to a graduation get together here in Hilo I am wondering what I have been doing with the last two years. When you graduate they tell you you can do anything, your life is just beginning and other things like that. I agree with those things but I feel like they should also tell you things don't always go as planned. Not in a life is gonna suck cynical way but at least in an honest life isn't so easy way.

I came out here for ministry and I did that for a year and it all fell apart. I was hoping and wanting so much more. And now I find myself trying to figure out what is next in my life. Where will I live what kind of job I'll do and if school is gonna happen again.

Being a christian is hard. Trying to live a life worthy of the call of Christ is no easy task. I truly believe we are all called to something great. A life God has made for us. A way that we can truly impact the world for peace. I feel like I was brought to Hilo, Hawaii to find mine. We have a huge homeless population and the shelters and ministries aren't cutting it. they are doing what they can but it is not enough. These last two years have been far from picture perfect for me but I do feel that God has brought me here to show me the future. Now the question is how do I get to that future. I still don't know the answers but I am still looking. As I begin the next chapter I must continue to pray for the future and that I am faithful to the plan God has for me.

I want to say congratulations to all the graduates. Either from High school as you move onto college, or the college grads as you move onto life outside of school. It isn't easy but God has a plan. You will be challenged but you will grow. I am proud of all the guys who were freshmen on my hall when I was an RA. My little babies have all grown up!

The Meaning of Life

I haven't posted anything for awhile. When I started this blog my goal was to use it to keep people updated on my life and ministry. Since my last post a million things have happened in my life and I've done a poor job of keeping people up to date. I find myself currently sitting in a Starbucks using their free internet because I don't have internet at my house. I got a text from a friend that asked me how it's going. I immediately replied that I was trying to figure out life. This is something that my good friend Daniel and I did on an almost daily basis our final semester in college. I am almost two years out from that and I realize that I am no closer to an answer.

After college I moved to Hawaii to take an internship at a church and after the summer I stayed on as the youth and young adult pastor. I was so excited and determined to make my ministry a success. I think it went alright. It was hard to start two ministries from scratch but it happened and things were going. By December though I had a feeling that it wasn't going to last long. It wasn't going as well as I hoped. Part of that is me deciding that I had it and God could take a break. Byron Certain was on the case and things where going to work out. This is nothing new in my life. As soon as God shows me a path I tend to take over and start doing the work and not trusting. This naturally leads me to disaster. I also noticed that the pastor and I had different ideas about how the church should function and we didn't work well together. I am grateful that we are still friends and see each other on a regular basis but working together wasn't working, at least not from my perspective. So I started praying that December and I felt that God was telling me to resign. This decision took about six months and I officially resigned in June of last year.

I didn't have another youth position and wasn't really sure what I was going to do with myself after I quit. That was the beginning of me trying to once again figure out life. This monumental task is not easy or even really possible but that is where I am. I am still living in Hilo not doing ministry in an official capacity and I'm wondering what is next. I really wish God would just toss down a play by play of my future so I would know where I'm supposed to go. Obviously trust wouldn't be a big deal anymore so I'm thinking that isn't gonna happen, but it would be nice.

I feel that it may be time for me to leave the island of Hawaii and possibly the state entirely. I feel that God has put it on my heart to open a homeless shelter in the future and I feel like it is supposed to be in Hilo, but I have no idea what happens between now and then. I need to find a way to renew my faith and trust God again.

When I decided to stay in Hilo a man named Hideo Funada let me move in with him. I haven't had to pay rent or utilities. Uncle Henry, is what everyone calls him, is one of the main reasons I have been here so long. We celebrated his 87th birthday on Wednesday. On Thursday I came home and found him on the ground. He took a spill. On Friday morning he was taken to the hospital and has been there since. I don't know when he will be able to come home or if he will at all. I look at the grace with which Uncle Henry has shown me. He is an old man who has a lot of love to give and he has chosen me to be a recipient of this love. I am 24 years old and this older man has shown me a lot about grace and love in the year and a half I have lived with him. I pray that for the rest of my life I can live like Uncle Henry. I don't know where I am going from here, though I'm sure a move is in the near future. I do know God hasn't wasted these months that I have been in Hilo not working at a church. Maybe Uncle Henry has the meaning to life, live gracefully.